My Way
by AnonymousW
Summary: My take on how things would go if Harvey decides to quit. One shot post 5x09. [Darvey]


'I'm surprised you pulled our meeting to today instead of tomorrow Harvey' Dr. Agard said. 'What's going on?' she asked him, concerned.

'I came here to figure out whether or not I should resign' Harvey explained, tired.

Paula was obviously surprised by his statement.

'That's a big decision to make. Why don't you let me in on what got you to this point?' she said.

Harvey told her the whole story, from his past with Forstman to Darby.

'Why didn't you ask her?' Dr. Agard said then, after Harvey's lengthy description. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

'What?' he wasn't sure what she was asking, as if she hadn't heard his story.

'Donna' she simply stated.

'What about her?' he insisted.

'Why didn't you ask for her opinion on the matter' she clarified.

'It doesn't matter, I'm asking you. Who said I didn't ask her anyway?' he said, irritation showing on his face.

'It seems curious to me. You always value her opinion so much, as you've told me, and yet from what I gather you haven't mentioned it to her. I'm just curious to know why' Paula explained.

'It doesn't matter why. I'm on the clock here, and I need you to help me figure out what to do. You wouldn't understand anyway' he then added, realizing how stupid his words sounded. She probably would, she was paid to do it.

'Humor me' she pushed, as he exhaled heavily, bringing his hands together in a clasping motion.

'You didn't tell Donna because…' she started, encouraging him.

'Because I knew I wouldn't the moment I see her!' he shouted.

'Wouldn't what exactly?' Paula asked curiously.

'Resign' he whispered.

Paula didn't say a word, curiously inspecting the man in front of her, her hands rested in her lap.

'I can't…leave her there' he said slowly. Dr. Agard looked tenderly at Harvey, like a kid who had no idea what he was saying.

'Then ask her to leave with you' she proposed.

'I can't' he said immediately.

'Why not?' she asked him.

'I can't ask her to sacrifice her job, her daily life. I'm doing this to save it. Especially not when…' he trailed off, cursing himself for saying too much.

'Not when what?' questioned.

He sighed heavily.

'Not when I'm not offering her something else' he said.

'What do you mean by something else?' she pushed.

'A job maybe, I don't know' he shrugged.

'Do you think that a job is what would make or break her decision?' Paula asked him.

Harvey rolled his eyes. He was tired, and couldn't tolerate much of 's way. He shrugged.

'Look I'm really not here to talk about Donna' he said helplessly.

'Ok' she said, making him raise his eyes to meet hers.

'Ok?' he repeated in disbelief.

'Yes. Let's talk about that resignation' she said firmly.

Despite having taken the conversation exactly where he wanted to, Harvey couldn't help thinking about Donna and Dr. Agard's words for the rest of that session.

 _[The next day]_

'Harvey needs to see us in my office in an hour' Jessica told Donna, who had been working on some files. She raised her eyes to meet the boss' , standing at her cubicle, concern in her eyes.

Donna's heart took a pound. This couldn't be good news. Her lower lip quivered at Jessica's worried smile, before she mustered the strength to nod.

Despite this mysterious meeting being an hour away, Donna couldn't work anymore. She stared for ten minutes at the keyboard before she decided to take a walk. She found her legs taking her to Harvey's office, but finding it empty.

Gretchen gave her a knowing look before saying: 'He didn't come in today'

Donna swallowed hard, turning around, feeling the walls of the firm closing in on her. For the first time ever, she doesn't know where she's going, walking around until Rachel caught the sight of her, ushering her inside her office.

'Donna are you ok?' she asked her concerned.

'Yeah I'm just-I'm ok' she repeated, before checking the time. 'I need to go – Harvey' she said hastily, walking away before Rachel could talk again.

Donna walked towards Jessica's office ten minutes early, finding the managing partner anxiously waiting, sitting at her desk. She wordlessly entered, acknowledging her with a slight nod, before she paced the office.

'Why don't you sit down Donna' Jessica said calmly.

'I- I can't' she confessed, before actually sitting down. How silly she must've looked. But she didn't care; neither did Jessica.

A few minutes later, Mike walked it, looking for answers about the mysterious meeting, answers no one could provide. Louis followed, anxiously looking for some sort of comfort from the others. Donna was trying to steady her breath, fixating her eyes on the floor. Then she heard it. The footsteps she had learned to discern from miles away. Her head shot up, as she stood up, deciding to be a strong as possible.

'I've called for a board meeting in a few minutes' Harvey started, his eyes avoiding everyone's purposely, especially hers.

'Where I will be announcing my resignation' he continued, his voice deep.

Donna clutched her arms, looking at him struggle with words, watching him trying to be strong.

Louis and Mike both stood up, their words overlapping

'Other solution' – 'He can't – 'We can still win this' they said.

'I wanted to thank you privately. Jessica, for being a great mentor and making me the good lawyer I am. Louis, we've had our ups and downs I know, but I still consider you as my brother' he started, his voice cracking.

'Mike, despite the ton of headache you cause to this firm, there is not one day that passes by where I regret my decision to hire you. Your kind soul and that gigantic head of yours make you one of the best lawyers I've met' he continued, the ghost of a smile on his face.

'Donna' he said, not sure how to continue. He gazed up to her, their now welled up eyes meeting with a great intensity. 'I don't know where to begin with you' he said, a knot forming in his throat.

'His resignation will be followed by mine' she said, interrupting him, her voice breaking.

'Donna, no' Harvey reasoned.

'I'm sorry Jessica. I know this is a tough time to leave you, but I don't think I can work here when he-' she choked on her words.

'I understand' Jessica said calmly, before Harvey threw at her the darkest look.

'Understand?! No, you shouldn't let her quit' Harvey said angrily

'I came here WITH YOU' she said, raising her voice. 'and I'm not staying without you' she continued, tears still forming in her eyes.

'Donna' he pleaded.

Jessica couldn't help the little smile creeping up on her lips, appreciating the irony behind the similarity between her words and those of Harvey years ago.

'… _and I'm not coming here without her' he had confidently said, making Jessica wonder about that woman._

'I think the board meeting is about to start' she said, pointing to the members, walking towards the conference room. 'You should go'

She walked out of Jessica' s office and into her cubicle.

Before heading home a couple of hours later, she glanced at Harvey's office, to find him finalizing some cases, with Mike by his side.

She took her purse and waited for the elevator, terrified for the first time from the uncertainty in her future.

She couldn't go home, and decided to just walk around the city. She wondered if she was doing a mistake, quitting her job. But it seemed right, it felt right. It's only when she noticed how dark it was that she decided to head back home. She stopped by a market, buying four bottles of wine, before taking a cab home.

She stepped out of the cab to find Harvey sitting on her building stairs, his hands clasped, his head down. She swallowed hard before walking towards him.

'Hey you' she said, a small smile on her face when he looked up at her.

'Hey' he said, before quickly standing up and taking the bags from her hands. Ever the gentleman.

'What are you doing here?' she asked as she opened the door of the entrance, walking towards the elevator. Her tone is light, as if it was another usual day.

'Waiting for you' he said, as she tilted her head, waiting for the true answer, his expression mimicking hers.

They stepped inside the elevator as he exhaled heavily.

'I wanted to see you' he admitted, his eyes looking into hers for the first time that night. They were reddened, she was probably crying. She thought the same as she saw his bloodshot eyes.

They entered her apartment, walking towards the kitchen, where Harvey left the bags on the counter. Donna reached for one of them, taking a bottle of wine, and searching for the opener in the top drawer. She poured them two glasses before he spoke.

'Are we celebrating something?' he tried to joke, leaning on one of the counters.

She looked at him then, struggling to undo his tie, his shirt folded at the arms. She walked towards him, leaving the two glasses by his side, her hands reaching for his neck. They stood close to each other, their faces merely inches away. Her hands swiftly undid his tie, folding it and leaving it on the counter. Her fingers reached the top button, undoing it, before both her hands caressed his torso up and down.

'Let's go inside' she murmured, when she felt the tension rising. He nodded, taking both their glasses and walking towards the living room.

They sat down on the couch next to each other, before Harvey spoke.

'I really don't think you should quit Donna' he whispered.

'I've made up my mind' she said calmly.

'I can't let you' he said.

'Let me?' she scoffed. 'I don't need your permission Harvey' she said.

'It's not what I meant. I just can't see you quit when I don't…' he started before stopping.

'Don't what?' she questioned.

'Don't have another job for you' he whispered, his mind drifting back to his talk with Dr. Agard. He meant more than that he just doesn't know how to say it.

'Don't worry about that. I can get any job if I want to' she shrugged carelessly.

He sat quietly, drinking from his glass before he spoke again.

'You never let me finish my sentence when you left me' he whispered.

'I know what you were going to say' she said sadly.

'You don't' he said matter-of-factly. 'Donna' he said, in an attempt to make her look at him. 'I've thought about it, many times…too many' he whispered, getting her attention. 'I've never been good with words' he said.

'No shit Sherlock' she attempted to joke, something she did when she was nervous.

He smiled at her, before speaking again.

'You asked me how I loved you, and I don't even know how to say it' he continued weakly.

'You don't have to say something you don't mean' she warned him gently.

'I won't' he said quickly. 'I've only realized how I love you when you left. My world came crashing down Donna, and I didn't know what to do or how to go on living every day when you-' he paused, choking, before he continued 'weren't by my side'

She was struggling to keep herself from crying. She was terrified from the words coming out of his mouth, a part of her wanting to shut him up, refusing to hear his words.

'So here's what I know' he said, taking a deep breath.

'I know that I can't not have you in my life, and I don't mean just professionally' he started. 'These past few months, I couldn't stop thinking about you, shit Donna I had recurrent dreams about you' he admitted, half ashamed. She looked stunned. 'And I realized that everything we've been through only brought us closer and made you the only person I'm willing to give everything I have and am to' he said.

She was trembling, her mouth half open in amazement.

'But I can't' he added sadly.

She felt a knife cut through her heart. She wanted to cry, to hit him, to run away and never see him again.

'Why not?' she asked instead, her voice cracking.

'You deserve better' he whispered.

That was it, she couldn't take any more of that.

'That's a bullshit excuse Harvey. If you want to reject me at least have the decency to give me a proper excuse' she shouted, standing up, her whole body trembling.

Harvey stood up anxiously, looking at a shaken Donna in front of him, his hands reaching on both sides of her arms, trying to pin her down.

'Donna, it's true. I want to be that better person for you but I can't, I-' he mumbled, trying to catch her eyes, hoping she'd see how sincere he was.

'WHY THE HELL NOT?' she asked again, yelling and trembling even harder.

'BECAUSE I'M ROTTEN INSIDE!' he shouted, anger building up in his veins, his grip harder on her arms.

That seemed to make her calm down, as she gasped for air, trying to steady her breath.

'All that therapy did was make me realize how fucked up I am. How dangerous I can be, how much I can hurt. And I could NEVER do that to you, do you understand?' he asked again.

It was her time to calm him.

'Harvey' she called out, as he looked away, letting her arms go.

'Harvey look at me' she ordered him. Her hands reached for his face, cupping both his cheeks. His eyes were filled with tears, tears that started to slowly go down once he met her eyes.

'You are not rotten inside. You are a DECENT, GOOD man, to whom bad things have happened. You're loyal, protective, CARING, and every single person at the firm can confirm that' she explained tenderly. 'You are flawed, but so am I, and everybody else. I've watched you grow these past few months, and I know that you are working to be a better man' she continued.

His breath was starting to steady, following hers, as her thumbs swiped away the tears on his cheeks.

'I can't let you sacrifice your work' he whispered. 'You love it' he added.

Her hands fell to his chest, as she still held his gaze. She laughed hysterically.

'My work? You're really thick aren't you? It was never about that goddamn job' she said.

'What do you mean?' he asked her.

'It was always about you' she whispered. 'You think I couldn't find a job elsewhere? After that time when we quit the D.A. office, I had other jobs offers and a leading role in a small budget play. You think I rejected them for the job? I did it for you' she explained, moving her eyes away from his, ashamed. 'I…was in love with you. I still am' she confessed.

His silence didn't help her, as she prepared to retrieve her hands from his chest.

'Don't worry Harvey. I didn't quit this time hoping it would make you…want me' she added sadly. She felt pathetic. 'But without you there, it made no sense to stay, did it?' she added.

'I think you should go Harvey. I'm tired and-' she started before she felt his lips on hers, his hand holding her by the waist bringing her closer.

The kiss was slow, tender, hungry. She could taste the saltiness of his tears mixed with hers on her lips, his free hand reaching to hold her neck, prohibiting her from going anywhere.

'Harvey' she tried to say, stopping him.

'Shut up' he said. 'I've wanted you, I've wanted this for ten damn years' he said hastily. 'so just shut up' he added, kissing her again.

The kiss grew more passionate, as she granted him access to her mouth, his tongue sliding against hers. They were so hungry for each other that they couldn't even make it to bed, finding themselves draped in each other's arms, lying naked on the living room floor.

Harvey was lying down on her back, his mind still blown by how amazing she was, how they perfectly worked together, in every possible way. She rested next to him, one arm around his side, her head on his chest, her fingers tracing patterns on his soft skin. His hands caressed her hair, as they breathed against each other to the same rhythm.

'You ok?' he asked her tenderly, kissing the top of her head.

'Yes' she whispered, kissing his torso. Her eyes searched for his, making sure he was ok.

'Look, I know how difficult this is' she said, pulling herself up and positioning herself above him. 'The firm is where you became yourself. It's your home and-' she said before he cut her off by a kiss.

'No' he said. 'You're my home' he whispered against her lips, making her heart melt. She grabbed his face, kissing him again, feeling his hardness against her.

'I can go again' he whispered sexily in her ear.

'I can tell!' she said impressed, a series of giggle escaping her mouth as he bit and kissed her ticklish spots.

After finishing the second round, Donna held Harvey close by her side, trying to grasp the fact that this was real. Her thoughts started going to dark places, wondering what would happen next. He seemed to hear her thoughts, as he looked down, trying to meet her eyes.

'Hey' he said, calling for her attention. She smiled at him once their eyes locked, her smile warming his heart.

'I love you' he whispered, his hand caressing her arm.

'Love me how?' she joked, as he rolled his eyes in faked annoyance.

'My way' he answered before she kissed him soundly.

* * *

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;  
so I love you because I know no other way than this:

where I does not exist, nor you,  
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,  
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-I do not love you Pablo Neruda

* * *

 _A.N: Hey guys! After the lack of Darvey in that last episode, I decided to write this one-shot that takes place after 5x09. It's just the way I hope things would go ( I doubt it, but hey that's what fanfics are for)_

 _I would love to hear what you think, so don't forget to drop a review!_

 _-G_


End file.
